Unfurnished Brooklyn

From Sappy to Crappy (TMI Alert!)

I mean, goodness- how sappy was that last post? Must be the hormones. Because, hey everyone! I'm on period number 4! I'm going for my personal best: how many periods can I have before Christmas??

Last month I was told there's an ovarian cyst bouncing around in there, and then the gyn found a fibroid. Last week I had an ultrasound, and I have to wait until next week to speak with the gyn about that. Which I don't understand: it's all in the same building, why take two weeks to send the info upstairs??? That gives me two weeks to look up ovarian cysts on the Internets, which means two weeks of freaking myself out. And two weeks of being doubled over and hoping the damn thing doesn't rupture (though the other day I kinda hoped it would, just to freaking get it over with).

And it doesn't help that the week before last my sister had a hysterectomy*. It was a drive-by: take it out on Wednesday, kick you out on Friday. And at Thanksgiving dinner my cousin mentioned her own hysterectomy. And my mom had one. And so did an aunt. So, yeah, now I'm thinking my own uterus is not long for this world. Melodramatic? Sure. But not too farfetched.

But... I've also talked with more than a few women who've had cysts. And somehow I'd forgotten about a friend's surgery last year for fibroids gone wild. So. I know I should just chill out, it happens all the time, there are all these treatments, woo woo woo. One problem is that a common treatment- birth control pills- won't work for me. Because of a family history of breast cancer. The gyn** agrees I probably shouldn't go that route. But he's talking IUD, and I'm thinking HELL NO. So we're going to find some middle ground.

My plate is kinda full right now. There are things going on that I haven't discussed that are really wearing me the fuck out, so I haven't been the most reliable person as of late. Which, in my head, I know is perfectly understandable but I still get a little pissed at myself for not having it all together.

But- there are also things that bring me joy: sappy posts (like yesterday), making up silly dances in the street with Cheb, having someone flirt with me via iPod (sorry, dude: Coolio doesn't float my boat, but you did score points with Curtis Mayfield), learning there is one degree of separation between me and the Gotti Hotties (actually, that's kinda scary), and Cari's big news.

See? It ain't all bad.

*Yeah, she has the hysterectomy and I'm the one getting all whiny. "It doesn't help..." If she saw that she'd slap me in the head. Though... while she's healing she can't outrun me, can she?

**This new gyn? He kept going on about how I'm young, I should think about more kids, and don't I want to have another child? Your child is 6? Now's a great time to have another.... on and on. I almost asked if he was offering.... Later I learned that he's a new father, so I'll cut him a little slack. But dude: take it down a notch.

Me and my mom together

I like how me and my mom play sometimes with Peony and Baby Kitty. We love to do things. I like to play and make a mess with my toys and my mom likes to knit. And she teaches me how to knit.

I love my mom because she's the best mom I have. And before I loved her, she told me all about how she spent time in childhood and one thing she told me about childhood is when she went in a parade. Now I love her so much more than anybody else in the whole universe.

Today I'm going to the park with my friends if they come. It's cold outside and chilly. And I can't wait until December because Santa Claus comes to everybody's house except for bad kids. I'm gonna get a toy from Santa Claus. And I'm going to get for my mom some pretty yarn that she loves.

(Cheb, reading over my shoulder, wanted to know what a blog is. I told her. She asked if I had one, and then asked to write it for me. Thus, today's guest blogger is Cheburashka.)

The hollerdays are upon us...

Though you may not drive a great big Cadillac
Gangsta whitewalls
TV antennas in the back
You may not have a car at all
But remember brothers and sisters
You can still stand tall

Just be thankful for what you've got.

(Have a great holiday, y'all.)

Knitting Math

(2xBlue Sky Bulky Alpaca) + (1xLana Grossa Pep tiger) X round trip subway ride to Harlem =

Orangey goodness using bulky alpaca from the stash and orange/red fun fur from the yarn swap. And they all laughed when I dove for the fun fur.... But lookit:

The colors match and I love the fuzziness. A matching hat is in the works. You'll see me coming a mile away in this ensemble.

Baba ga-whaaaa?

You know what I haven't had in ages? Baba ganouj. Love that stuff. So while picking up bread and soymilk in the local supermarket I spotted two brands on the shelf and decided to grab some. I chose the bigger container; it was a brand I'd never heard of, but then again I usually have it freshly made. I wasn't going to be too picky.

Cheb had a half-day of school today, so we she played in the playground and then we went home for lunch. She declined the baba ganouj, and I was all- more for me! Until I took a bite. I thought, this tastes a little... different.  What's that taste? I know it... some spice? Oil? So I checked the ingredients.

Fuckin' mayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise. HATE IT. And I hate it all the more, since finding it in my baba ganouj. Which I was really looking forward to. Seriously: who the hell puts mayonnaise in baba frickin' ganouj???

That's just wrong.

Cheb asks to try some, and of course she loves it. It's her Russian half's natural predilection for mayonnaise.

Knitting SOS

I need help, people.

I mentioned that I'd started the cabled riding jacket  from Loop-d-loop, and got stalled when I reached the bodice. I recently emailed regarding that, but I haven't heard back. I also searched for other knitters working on it and, while I've found lots of people wanting to make it, I haven't seen any finished jackets or found anyone who has reached the same point I have.

I am stumped. I even sat down with pen and pad and calculator and stared at the photos and tried to work it out from pictures. I got nothing. I really want to finish this; I've done the sleeves and most of the body. If anyone has any ideas, or has reached this point, or knows someone who has, please let me know.

In the meantime, I guess I'll get started on my Christmas gifts. Let the Christmas Chrapathon begin anew!

So wrong...

...and yet, so funny.

Barney meets Tupac (via crunk and disorderly). Parental advisory, y'all. Spicy language. Hope you're not at work.

illin'

My apologies to all of you that I was supposed to email, call, meet, or mail stuff to. It's been a helluva week.

And with all the running around I had to do this week, I felt a cold coming on (probably more than a cold- you know when you get that headache behind your eyes, and you feel snarfy but there's no snarf there yet? Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!), so for once I decided to be proactive and started taking el debarge elderberry syrup and eating tons of garlic (hhhhhhhhello!) and I've been feeling feverish but not actually sick. So it seems to be pushing the bad stuff out of my system. Yay Norma!!

I've also finally found a gyn that accepts my craptacular "health" insurance so I can get my hoo-hah taken care of. I've been referring to the cyst as "my lovely lady lump." And if you don't know what song I get that from, consider yourself lucky. (Though, I should link to the video so I can spare my soul- a la The Ring. If I pass it on, it won't destroy me.)

Click ("My Humps") at the risk of your sanity.

And since I'm on a roll... what the hell????

Baby Bratz. Geez. Look at the cat's expression; even he's like, "What the fuck?? I can't believe they went there."

This is not a post

Meu deus, I'm tired. When I get a minute I'm going to figure out how many miles I've covered since Saturday. But for now, I'm going to get some more sleep.

Two things I discovered this past weekend: I can drink large amounts of Brugal rum on a nearly empty stomach and not be hungover the next day, and Staten Island is actually kinda nice.

I'll leave you with Why I Love Cheburashka, Reason #956,383,647: in the mornings I put my retainers in denture cleaning solution. Yesterday, when I went to take them out, I found a cup of water next to them. Holding Cheb's plastic vampire teeth. All together now: aaaawwwwww.