Gloomy post- avert your eyes!!

So what started out as the usual pre-menstrual woe-is-Iris case of the blues has lingered far too long. Quite simply, I feel like shit and I'm worn out.

Job hunting sucks. A dwindling bank account sucks. Add to that trying to find childcare so I can take a crappy temp job and you've got more suckitude than you can handle. Then add the events of the last 24 hours and... well. How many ways can I say it sucks?

I'll gloss over the incident in the playground yesterday with the very odd little girl and her father who could not unglue the cell phone from his head long enough to realize his daughter was getting on my nerves. Even though I was sitting right across from him, he didn't see me telling his daughter to stay out of my bag and stop taking food and (the worst of it) my knitting and just stop messing with me and being a pain. Dude: please give your child some attention so she doesn't have to get it from strangers.

And today. Long story short: a little girl wanted to play with Cheb's friend (our upstairs neighbor), and got in between the two girls. She told them to put their feet together, and pointed to Cheb and said, "You're black. We're white. You can't play with us." I didn't hear the conversation, but I could tell what was happening. Cheb started to cry and came over and told me what the little girl said.

Our neighbor (such a sweet little girl) objected, and came over to Cheb to console her and ask her to play. We talked a bit about how hurtful that was, and color doesn't matter blah blah blah. The three girls ran off to play and I sat there feeling like I'd been kicked in the gut.

I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this yet. I knew it was coming, but damn.

I couldn't talk to the mother because of the language barrier. And what could I say to her? I took what the little girl said as using the first thing she could think of to wedge in between Cheb and the other girl, but that's how it starts, isn't it? And then I started thinking, how does Cheb feel having a mother who looks different from everyone else's mother? Oof. The gut-kick feeling again.

More joy in my life: I signed up to take some software courses (like Excel, which I know but don't know know- you know?). I found a nearby daycare with an after-school program, and signed Cheb up. Today I bring the director to Cheb's school and she very casually announces that they have to pick Cheb up 20 minutes earlier than dismissal. In all the conversations we've had, she neglected to tell me this. The principal of the school says, tough luck- ain't gonna happen. So now I either scramble and find another program (and there are only 11 more days of school for Cheb), or I scrap the courses.

Yeah, it's been a barrel of ha-has around here. A regular laff riot. The upside is that this has happened before in my life: I was at the absolute bottom. No job, no apartment, blew my cash taking a trip out of the country (sound familiar?)... and just when I started looking around for a refridgerator box to live in things turned completely around. So I'm hoping that this Year of Living Crappily will do the same as the last.

I know I don't sound hopeful, but I am.

(Update- to lighten things up a bit: I just checked site referrers and someone was led here by a Google search for "am I ready to let him down my pants?" My answer to that is- child, I just don't know. Follow your heart.)

Comments

[Mamita Mala]

Damn mujer I'm sorry you have to deal with that stuff between Cheb and the other kid. Sadly all the stuff I've dealt with around that issue has been with adults saying shit about la Mapu.

Letting down my pants. Weeeeee!

M

[cari]

Oy vey. I'm sorry, lady. Sorry that there are ignorant, neglectful parents out there creating ignorant, obnoxious children. Sorry that you've been having a rough time. Sorry you have to learn Excel. (Ew!)

I'm not at all sorry I let him down my pants, though.

(until we meet again) MWAH!
(and another for good job luck) MWAH!

(yeah, they seem kinda weak in the face of this post, but it's the best I can offer online. XOXO)

[Janine]

Sorry you are having such a crappy time. Just remember we are all out here rooting for you. You probably don't know that half of us are out here 'cos we often read but don't post but I will be thinking about you and sending good thought your way. Have "fun" with Excel I teach it to 15 year olds who don't see why they need it, at least you know why your learning it!

[Kathy]

Sounds like you could use a hug, and some tea and cookies. Seeing as I'm in NC and you're in Brooklyn, though, I guess they'll have to be virtual - for now.

[Jackie]

Ugh. Some children can be so horrible and I blame the parents. Sorry you and Cheb have to deal with these morons.

I hope things pick up for you soon. Anything I can do, just give a shout.

[Laurie]

It sucks that you can't protect Cheb from that kind of hurtfulness. Whether she is black or overweight or wears glasses, kids start hurting each other and none of us forgets the trauma. Even when the kids are all basically the same they LOOK for things to use for marginalizing each other. I'm a six foot tall red head. You can't imagine the crap I heard. Boys barking at me as I walked by, etc.
I guess the best thing you can do is make sure Cheb knows that we all look different from each other and some people are too afraid to appreciate that gift. She is one of the lovliest little girls I have ever seen. big hugs to both of you. It WILL pick up this year, I swear!

Look at some of the services Monster offers. I have been very impressed with their resume services and they even offer coaching which I took advantage of and really liked.

[Gina]

Iris, I think it's something in the stars or with the planets, because I spend every waking moment either bitching or getting ready to cry -- sometimes both simultaneously. I feel your pain on the job/bank account front. I'm in the same boat, only I'm 70miles north of NYC where the pay is at least 40% less and a lunch hour is only 30 minutes! Maybe it will all pass with the Summer Solstice. Fingers crossed.

[valentina]

Oh, Iris. If only I could, I'd right everything for you and then some. I'm sorry for all the stupid parents out there, but that doesn't make them unstupid. And this doesn't really help you. Gah.

[regina]

Man oh man oh man oh man. This makes me so sad/angry/disgusted/anxious. I empathize with you in the hugest way. Kids can be so cruel (sometimes unwittingly, sometimes intentionally) and we wish we could protect our children from this stuff, though of course that's just not possible. The best we can do is to try to set the best example we can so they can learn from us; comfort them when things go awry, and just keep loving them to pieces. Noah recently incurred the wrath of three of his fellow second-grade boys when he told them that he likes to play with dolls. They shoved and kicked him and called him names. Nice, hmmmm? I tried to keep my composure as he was telling me about it, though my first instinct was to rip someone's head off their shoulders. Sigh. Thank goodness children are so resilient. I wish I could give you and Cheb both hugs right about now.

[Wanda]

You know it sucks that kids start this racial intolerance so early in life, mimicking what they see and are taught from friends/family, etc. I'm so sorry that Cheb had to subjected to that. It never makes it any easier when it happens, now or later. It's always a shot in the gut. And Cheb will never regret having you as a mother that looks different from the other mothers. She just loves you, period. All you can do is teach Cheb that some people are ignorant, try to diffuse the situation in the best way possible, but always teach her that being "different" is not bad. In fact, she has the best of both worlds. As she matures and is older, that uniqueness will be what draws people to her.

Good luck on the job search. I too can sadly relate as I was downsized yesterday. I join you in the job search, but in a different state. Best of luck and please don't stay down. Life will get better. I believe it.