Smoke'em if you got'em.

So. This past June, I found myself stressed out and wanting a cigarette. I hadn't smoked since a brief flirtation with it in high school- and that only lasted a couple of weeks. So I bummed a cigarette and smoked half of it. Long story short, I now smoke 2 (or 2 and a half) cigarettes a day.

It was all done in secrecy. No one knew, especially Cheburashka. In her presence, I'm very anti-smoking. I also pester my sister (who smokes at least a pack a day) to quit. I don't know why, at 41, I decided to pick up this habit but I did. Well, I know why. Things were getting out of control, I wasn't happy with my life, and I guess I just wanted to be naughty. And I thought I could just put it down when I wanted to. Wrong.

I've gotten to the point where I don't care if I come back to the office smelling of smoke. As long as there's no trace of it when I pick up the kid. But now I smoke after she's gone to bed, and gas the place with air freshener (and if she picks up the smell, I blame it on the neighbors that smoke in the hall outside my window). When you get to the point where you plan that next cigarette, and think of it all day, there's a problem.

I had six cigarettes left in the box. I just shredded them, and threw away the lighter. Yesterday I bought nicotine gum, but still smoked: as long as I know there's one left, I'm a'gonna smoke it. So I destroyed them. I just had a physical, and other than anemia (which explains why I'm tired all the time), I'm healthy, so why make things worse? Things are tough enough right now (like the fact that I'm two months behind on rent), so I really don't need to add cigarettes to the mix.

Even though I really, really like them.

The secrecy of it bugged me as well. So I decided to put it out there. I'm quitting smoking the cigarettes that none of you knew I smoked.

I apologize in advance if I get really snippy with anyone.

Comments

[Jennifer]

Ugh - I feel your pain. My addiction is sugar. Addictions are nasty things. I'll be sending you positive thoughts so you can lick this habit. Hey - I know - keep your fingers busy by knitting. : D I'm going to swear off sugar in solidarity. Good luck.

[regina]

It's not easy to admit that you're doing something that you know is harmful to you. I applaud your efforts to stop. I smoked for far too long, and while I've had the occasional craving since quitting (and it's been 20 years for me), I can't go down that road again. It's too easy to get sucked in, and REALLY tough to stop, as you're experiencing first-hand. I'm glad you're quitting, for your sake as much as Cheb's.

[carlarey]

Hats off to you for seeing it for what it is and going cold turkey. Hope things get better quickly so that you don't feel the need.

[Juno]

I fell off the cigarette wagon about a year ago and have been completely lying to myself about how significant a love affair it has been. Stopped Friday. Is horrible. Am bitch. Worth it for the breathing though, Breathing is good.
Good luck.

[Necia]

Wait, whose 41? And yea smoking sucks. Take it from a smoker. And, what makes it so bad, they bootlegging cigarettes now, and if smoking isn't bad enough as it is, don't even get a bootleg one. It's horrible. I need to quit as well, but don't quite have the willpower. I'm glad you put it out there, and if that helps you quit, I"m all for it!

[Christie]

No judgments. You're a better person for admitting it getting it off you. And now if your daughter makes the bad choice to start, you can have an honest conversation about your experiences with smoking.

[Kat]

Good for you!

[caroline]

Oh, chica, good on ya for putting it all out there. And may the money goddesses let the money roll in for you in all ways, shapes and forms.

[Kathy]

Congratulations on quitting! My husband and I both smoked (him longer than me, but both of us for several years), and both quit a couple years ago, and still consider it one of the best things either of us has ever done. He doesn't miss it, and I usually don't - when I'm really nervous and stressed out, occasionally I'll think about smoking, but I've managed not to pick it back up. I did start taking my knitting with me more frequently after I stopped smoking. For me, smoking was like a foil for my slight social phobia - something to distract myself with, and fidget with, when I was uncomfortable in public. So I definitely started KIPing more often after I quit smoking. Anyway, enough about me. Good on you!

[Veronica]

I find that putting everything out for everyone to see extremely helpful in fixing problems.

[Norma]

You know, I have never smoked a day in my life, but I thank whatever power that made me allergic to smoke -- because if it weren't for that, I am quite sure that I would. I don't know why that is. Weird, isn't it?

I empathize and wish you good luck in being able to quit, though if you can keep it to 2 or 3 cigarettes a day, starting at this stage in your life, I think the risks are quite minimal (though a doctor would never tell you that). Not that I'm trying to give you more incentive. And also, living in an urban environment will increase your risks from it. So forget I said that -- and I am NOT giving you permission. heh.

[Shala Ohms]

It's hard to quit smoking, perhaps harder when you realize that you have to quit. You know that the urge is there, deep down inside you. However, don't be intimidated by sudden cravings. Take it one step at a time - if you fail, then try again.

Look at it this way: speeding cars slow down before stopping to keep everything (inside and out) safe.